Friday, March 28, 2008

Ruh ro Raggy

Don't you just love when your stomach is upset and it makes that gurgly noise and all you can think of is that one scene from Dumb and Dumber when Harry is using Mary's bathroom and the laxative that Lloyd put in his drink begins to kick in?

Yeah me either.

Lady, get some control over your kid

So I am out and about tying up loose ends for my West Coast adventure. I stop into Kohl's to take a look around. I find this dress I really really like and think, not too dressy, might be good for a night on the town out West. BONUS - It's in the Jr's Section. DOUBLE BONUS - It's on sale!

Now I'm not sure how I am managing to fit into things into the Jr's section.....but we won't argue with what that is. We will accept and move on.

So while I am perusing the rest of the section before I go try these items on, there are these 2 girls....I am going to venture and guess that one is about 19 and the other is probably 16 or 17. The eldest one (who woulda thought 19 would be eldest but that is neither here nor there) has a small child with her. I am going to venture a guess and say 2 - max.

These 2 girls are clearly white trash. How do I know that you might be asking? Well they were looking for prom gowns in the Jr's section, I mean in the clearance section of Jr's. One holds up a pretty red dress with sparkles on it below the bust line and says "How about this? Oh never mind, it's out of your price range". The one looking for the dress says, "Well how much is it?" "$11.60", she replies. "Well anything $15 and below is ok I guess". OK, if your budget is that low, might I suggest going to Rainbow or Dots or something like that?

Anyway, we all convene in the fitting room to try our things on. The oldest girl goes into try some pants on, LEAVES HER LITTLE BOY OUTSIDE OF THE CHANGING STALL, and the other one is in there trying on her bargain basement dresses. I take the last stall - the one that is the FURTHEST away from them because I just had a hunch something was going to happen. Sure enough, the little boy is laying on the ground, looking into the other girls stall as she is changing. She laughs because it is cute.....yeah for you maybe. I finish trying on my dresses and I am standing there with just my T Shirt on and HELLO THERE LITTLE BOY. HE IS PEEKING INTO MY STALL. His mom is too busy calling someone asking if she can borrow $5 because she "just found these sweet pair of red cords she wants to buy" and she "promises to pay them back as soon as she gets her "check" on Monday." and "do this place have Tylenol and shit", not to mention asking the other changing girl how much her cell phone cost and boy she would like one but her credit is all messed up. I say "Um EXCUSE ME" and she just yells, Jason get up. That's not Snelly". No "I'm sorry", no nothing from her. Just laughs...because again, this is cute behaviour for your child to exhibit.

This is why I don't try things on as a general rule. And have I mentioned I hate people?

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

From the mouths of babes

Imagine a conversation between Erik and Kamryn. Went a little something like this:

"Kam, tell Mommy what you told me this morning"

"No, I am embarrassed"

"Come on, just tell her"

**several moments of bickering back and forth

"Just tell her"

"OK - I said to Daddy that his boobies were smaller then yours"

"Barely", I said. "When did you see his?"

"Today when he was putting on his belt"

Memo to Debby

Dear Debby ~
Thank you for the kind advice on what speed to set my treadmill to for an enjoyable run. You were right (as always). 4.6 just happens to be the perfect speed for me and my 5'4" legs.
I would like you to know that I was able to achieve a simple 25 minute 2 mile run today. And I owe this all to you.
Thank you again for your words of wisdom. One day, I hope to do the same for you.



Saturday, March 22, 2008

Bad Bunny

Is it too lazy of me to hide the candy filled eggs AND the Easter basket in the same spot? I mean, it's 9 pm and I am exhausted from a day of baking in preparation of the "holiday 2 mile travel" that occurs on every holiday. Goes a little something like this:

~Wake up at the butt crack of dawn
~Get ready to get out the door because we have to be at the in-law's for "brunch" at some ungodly hour - and for what??? We don't eat until 11:30am. Oh I know, so we can see how long it takes for Kam to get angry with Pap Pap because he won't let her watch her kid shows in his family room.
~Eat brunch (estimated time it takes to eat: 10 minutes)
~Women stay in the dining room, men retreat to family room - surely it's time to start drinking now. Did I mention the same stories are told over and over and over again? Did you know kids aren't allowed in Chicago? How about Erik was the worst child ever because he hid in the clothes racks at the mall when he was 8 when his cousin and her friend took him there? (estimated time it takes for one, if not all of these stories to appear: 5 minutes into meal or 15 minutes upon arrival at the in-laws)
~I get bored with the festivities at this location and am quite frankly ready to go home for the remainder of the day. But whoa is me, we have to go to my parent's house now for the same food - which, at this point, I am tied of already. Bonus***we get to take leftovers home? Awesome! I didn't eat your Green Bean Casserole at your house, what makes you think I will eat it at home?

Holidays, any more, are a bear. However, I refuse to have anyone over my house because I would probably be kicking them out after they have only been there for 20 minutes.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Hi Tim!

Special shout outs to Tim - visiting the blog! Yay! This is a first for me. I am sharing this with someone other then the 2 or 3 people who usually read this. I mean, eek, I haven't even told my FAMILY about this!!! I think I am up to sharing since we both admitted our lameness to blogging. So feel special Tim!

P.S. That's him on the right, me on the left and Joe in the middle ~ doin' it up Erie style (and yes there is such a thing). These are the fools I get to enjoy my first ever trip to Vegas with! Fun times for everyone!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Things not to do 2 weeks before vacation

I am taking my very first "big girl" "no kid, no husband" vacation. And not only am I going BY MYSELF, I am going across country. Yes, that's right. No chance of Kam or Erik showing up where I will be. Just trying to figure out how to miss the non-important phone calls - better yet, how I will be able to differentiate without saying "hello". I still have time to work on that.

So joy of joys - Kam came home Monday and proudly announced that a classmate had chicken pox.


Ok so she is only 5 and I hardly believe anything she says unless I have been witness to it myself. So the skeptic in me emailed her teacher to find out the answer. Did that at work Tuesday morning...right after I called Kam off of school because she had a 104 fever. Super. Right to I went. Why I went there again, I have no idea because the last time I frequented that sight, it told me I could possibly have brain cancer. By the by - no other symptoms have appeared for said BC so I am assuming they were WRONG (Ha take that "Dr's". I'm sure they just play one on TV). Great - fever is a pre cursor. What what? Be on the look out for febrile seizures. Oh man. Oh here's a tasty little nugget....guess who won't take medicine for ANYTHING? Yeah - there was a cough developing Sunday so I promptly went out and bought those dissolving cough strips in Yummy Berry (yeah right). Kam had it on her tongue for all of 3 seconds before she gagged so hard twice she threw up right in the living room. Panic ensued Tuesday - I left work early. Erik left work early. We lounged around all day. Watched Bee Movie. Checked her temperature at least 50 times an hour....just to be sure. I got to sleep with her at night (and I use the word sleep loosely) - what a nightmare. Every off breath she took, every 2 minutes she was up staring at me...yikes. Scary. So her fever broke early this morning but I made the Presidential decision that she will be missing school again today (and at this point I would like to make a side note that I am having THE hardest time writing this because the 5 year old kid and the 33 year old kid are bickering on the couch and I CANNOT THINK...almost typed SLEEP distraction)

Anyway, where was I going with this. I have no idea. Oh yeah...2 weeks until I leave this breeding ground of germs.

What you don't want to do 2 weeks before vacation is start shopping for a bathing suit. I have done way too much research for something that I truly despise and will hate wearing the rest of this summer. So my day tomorrow is going to consist of eating no breakfast or lunch and trying to find a suit that I like. Why am I getting the feeling that I am going to be settling for the oversized T shirt over the ugly one piece??

Saturday, March 15, 2008


I had to chuckle when I read my horoscope today. Here it goes ~ including some notes I made...


Avoiding social obligations may not be your usual style, so it's surprising to others when you do. I HARDLY EVER AVOID SOCIAL OBLIGATIONS....AND I CERTAINLY WAS NOT ABOUT TO AVOID THE ONE TODAY EITHER. HORTON HEARS A WHO WAS EXCELLENT. DINNER WAS FUN.

Don't worry about their judgments of you or your current decisions. HAVE YOU MET ME? I DON'T CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK, SO THERE.


I swear, I could make a crap load of money by making up half the crap. Just throw a few sentences together and call it a horoscope. Come on now...

Thursday, March 13, 2008

The devil - reincarnated

**WARNING: Debby - this is in no way bragging about my ability to run whilst you cannot***

For those of you that don't know, I've been on a health kick since October. I am trying new things every week as far as a workout is concerned.
Running has been my new thing....I'm up to 1.37 miles ~ roughly 12 minutes. So it's not Olympic time, but it's a start.

I've also started lifting weights every day - not Hulk Hogan weights, just simple 20 pounds or less depending on the machine.

I have a partner in crime that is along for the ride - Becky. I push her to do things and she pushes me. Yesterday, we tried a new machine at our gym at work. The gravity machine. Don't know what it is? Take a look:

You may have seen Chuck Norris peddling his version as well:

The class was entitled "Getting to Know the Gravity Machine". We both thought it would be a simple tutorial of how the machine works (you aren't allowed to use it unless you learn how to use it first - which makes sense because you really could hurt yourself on one of these bad boys) with a few simple examples of the exercises you can do on them. Uhhhh no.....not at all. This was a full blown class at 7 in the morning. 45 minutes of pure and simple hell. I've run myself through the gammet as far as my muscles are concerned....I thought I had exposed all of the muscles I hadn't used in sometime or have never used at all. Today - well today - I have found new entire body hurts...abs (at least where my abs should be), thighs, calves, armpits, back - you name it, it's sore. There was a point during the workout where we were laying face down on the glider and performing a modified pull up (and here's how evil the instructor is - pull yourself up with 2 arms, let go with one arm, pull yourself back up with 2 arms, let go with one arm) and I just started to giggle uncontrollably. From there, the giggle started to turn into a whimper and I nearly started to cry.

You see how the ladies in the first picture are laying down and some have that pained look? I've determined that this is their second time taking this class and know what they are in for the following day. In fact, I can't remember if the machines actually looked like that or like this:

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Seriously....not even a minute

While I have tried to teach Kam to knock on the bathroom door if is closed and she knows someone is in there, sometimes I wish I would have taught her to just WAIT until said person comes out of the bathroom.

Picture this if you will:

Me, fresh out of the shower (OK OK so it's not really something you want to picture, but stick with me here). I am applying my very S-M-All container of philosophy's Hope In a Jar (and yes people, it really is just as it's name implies....I would pay hundred's of bucks for this stuff - which gets me thinking, what is in there....crack I am thinking...and I'm thinking philosophy puts all sorts of highly addictive narcotics in all of their products because I am addicted). Now - pause for a minute as I need to regroup and figure out where I was going with this.

Ah yes, me, lotion....and here we go....there is a knock on the bathroom door.
Me: "yes?"
Kam: "mommy, can I have your autograph?"

I open the door and there she is with a wire bound journal and a marker that is to be used strictly for her Cranium puzzle because it is one of those wipe off ones. Of course, my initial thought is "uh huh, you want it because you want to start learning how to forge it for your high school years, right?". Instead, I say (which I am pretty sure sounded like YELLED) "What are you doing with this marker? This is only for your Cranium puzzle. You have like a bagillion other markers you can use"

"nuh uh", she replies. Really??? I didn't, I mean Santa didn't just bring you over 100 markers for Christmas?

Obviously, it took me 5 minutes to realize I was NOT going to win an argument with a 5 year old over the quantity of markers she has, because, clearly, I am insane and she knows all.

I sign her book:


She says, "you forgot your last name." I said, "I don't have a last name when my first name is Mommy." And sometimes I wonder where she gets her smart ass comments from.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Inspired yet so uninspired

I am yesterday's dishwater. I have been reading all day long and all I want to do is type my little heart out. But I just cannot muster up enough energy to really post anything...except complaints. So here goes!!!! (Lucky you)

I had a premonition that I would be sleeping on the couch so I filled the fish tank up with just enough water to stop that annoying gurgle sound it makes.

Whaddaya know....3am - on the couch. Usually I get the bed all to myself ~ plus a cat and an occasional dog ~ but you can guarantee I will be in for a nice nights sleep. No tossing, no turning. Only sweet, sweet dreams. Not so much last night.

Erik decides that he must plant his face into what ever suffocating position he can. Pillow - been there. Covers over the head - done that. All the meanwhile, I get to listen to Darth Vader slowly fade into slumber. So when I asked him why he feels the need to act all ostrich like, his answer was "I think it's some subconcious thing - like you know, in case a monster comes in - that way I will be protected. ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU ARE 33.

Not tonight my Internet, not tonight. Because in about 10 minutes, I am going to get myself a nice big glass of water and retire to the bedroom, sprawl myself over the ENTIRE bed and get to sleep. Good luck trying to move me.


I have been aseep at the wheel apparently. I knew my boyfriend was going to be on the lastest Madonna CD/Record/Album depending on your age....but I had nooooo idea it was already leaked to onto the dubbya dubbya dubbya.

Has anyone heard it? Does anyone know where to find it? Me thinks me must get on iTunes ASAP and check it out.

Mary Jane's no good for Mary Ann

Awww snaps. I mean, really, is this what happens to you when you drop to the D list?

A surprise birthday party for Dawn Wells, the actress who played Mary Ann on "Gilligan's Island," ended with a nearly three-hour tour of the Teton County sheriff's office and jail when the 69-year-old was caught with marijuana in her vehicle while driving home. Wells is now serving six months' unsupervised probation. She was sentenced Feb. 29 to five days in jail, fined $410.50 and placed on probation after pleading guilty to one count of reckless driving.
Prosecutors dropped misdemeanour counts of driving under the influence, possession of drug paraphernalia and possession of a controlled substance. According to a sheriff's, Wells was pulled over after she swerved across the fog lines and centre lines of State Highway 33 and repeatedly speeded up and slowed down. The officer who stopped her said he smelled burning marijuana. Wells reportedly told him that she'd just given a ride to three hitchhikers and had dropped them off when they began smoking something. Police found three half-smoked joints in the ashtray, a fourth half-smoked joint and two small cases used to store marijuana. Wells' lawyer Ron Swafford said a friend admitted he'd left a small amount of marijuana in the car after having used it that day and that Wells was unaware of it.

Yeeeeeeeeeeahhhhhhhhhhhh suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure. I'll file that for later use in case it ever happens to me.

Saturday, March 8, 2008


What I don't need:

Dog to throw up in living room
Dog breathing on me
Dog trying to give me kisses

Gotta go take a long dip in some sanitizer. BLECH.


Just got my David Cook fix for the morning. Much better now.


Don't be jealous. Kam and I are getting ready to head out to see High School Musical on ice. I have heard about it allllllllll week long. I'm excited - but only because she is so excited about it. Of course, I had to make sure she knew that they weren't really Zac Effron and Vanessa Hudgins - we're cool there.

Here's how excited she is. She is half naked in the living room trying to get dressed while count to 30 by 2's and watch Lou and Louise. She's a multi tasker alright. Get's it from her Mama.

Look for us....I am the one with the tissue in my nose to contain the blood because I waited til the last minute to get tickets.

Oh wait - I need to stop at the bank to take out a small personal loan for all of the junk Kam will want. I'll post pictures later.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

There's a reason you were voted off

Dear God! Why in the world do the make the people that are voted off of American Idol sing AGAIN?!?!? Aren't you in the predicament you are in because (say it like Ryan Seacrest) America voted...........and you are not the next American Idol? We DID NOT LIKE THE WAY YOU SANG THE SONG THE FIRST TIME - why on EARTH would I want to hear it again? My ears are bleeding thanks to Kady Malloy. Hey Katy - see the people around you crying - yeah well I'll let you in on a little secret - They AIN'T cryin' because you are leaving.

New crush

Oh woe is me. I really need to stop checking dudes out. I mean, really. I am married. But I am starting to feel like a modern day Mrs. Robinson. No - not sleeping with younger men and all of that - just developing crush upon crush.

The latest victim:

David Cook from American Idol.

First, apparently I have a thing for left handed dudes.
Second, musically inclined.
Third, when he sings, the right corner of his mouth makes this little smile that does things to you have to watch it. And I will watch it too. Again and again and again.

Hello David Cook. You sometimes see me pass outside your door because I AM OBSESSED WITH YOU! It is you I have been looking for. You don't need me to tell you how to win my heart because you already have.

Sigh. It has gotten so bad I have even stalked him on Myspace. Yes he has a page. Yes he was in a band (Mid West Killers among others). Yes their song is my default song on Myspace. Yes I am a lunatic.

It's so bad - I have even added this little snippet of a song to my iPod. Dear Lord - please help me.


The fact that Kam knows who the band Heart is. And double lurving that she lurves them too.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008 thought this through???

Not only was I greeted with Mother Nature's latest "eff you" on Friday, a mother of one of the kids in Kam's class decided to send home an invitation to a birthday party. Normally, I am all for it. However, after the last one, I wanted to retrieve the invite before Kam had a chance to see it.

And just for the record, the last one was a swim party at the Connelly Inn on Route 30 - not good for several reasons - 1. On Valentines's day. Not that we had any fabulous plans or anything but come on - it was on a Thursday for Pete's Sake. 2. Kam is NOT a swimmer. She thinks swimming is being able to stand in the water with it up to her neck. Uh no....not even close. I needed a supply of ant-anxiety pills that night. Oh dear lord.

Not so lucky with this one. This invite was for a sleep over at a HOTEL. Yes, a HOTEL. Really? You couldn't have a sleep over at your house? Really? So now I am left with the daunting task of breaking it gently to Kam about how she won't be going because Mommy has no trust in people she doesn't know.

A quick conference with Grammo gave me the idea to have a friend over for Kam and go see Horton Hears A Who that day. Sweet idea Mom! Have you raised kids before? What? You have? Impossible!

So when I got to work today, straight to the email I went and sent a nice note to one of Kam's classmates mom who works at Highmark with me. In a nutshell - I wanted to know if I was the only sane parent that was not letting her child go to this Hotel Sleep Over.

Phone rings....hooray! She too is not letting her daughter go and she thinks it is a WONDERFUL (I will try not to pat myself on the back and break my arm) idea. I tell I her I will contact her later with details as we get closer. Oh joy - I cannot wait to tell Kam. She will be super excited. And I was right. She was tickled pink.

So what would you do? Would you let your kid go to a sleep over for a classmate in a hotel? Mind you, there were no additional details with the invite - just "we will tell you the room number when you RSVP". My bad - but I don't think 6 year olds need to be in a hotel for a sleep over.

Monday, March 3, 2008


A good massage. Or to be run over with steam roller. Either will do at this point.


What a weekend! I swear, this is the first I got to sit down, although, yesterday, I did a lot of sitting. This just seems like the first relaxing time I suppose.

Where to begin:

Friday - what a nightmare. Friday was a prime example of why I hate the winter. Apparently, all of the works departments did not notice it was snowing at 11 am. I guess they figured it would have stopped sooner then it did. Traffic was a nightmare, I was late picking up Kam from the bus, her bus was late, I had to shovel the frickin' sidewalk - AGAIN (guess Erik doesn't know what or where the shovel is)....pretty much - I was in a bitchy mood.

Saturday was much much better. No snowflakes falling when I woke up at 4 am because the G.D. cat was hungry and he wanted the whole house to know it. Sometimes I want to accidentally let him outside just to see how long he would last out there. Bet he would never leave the porch.

Late Saturday afternoon, I carted my heiny to Aliquippa to help a dear dear friend move. So I hardly worked, no big deal. Here was the extent of my "help" - contact paper. It was tough laying on the floor putting it in cabinets that are waist deep, let me tell you. Oh yeah, and I had to carry a case of beer into the house. Whew!!! Exhausting!!

After all of Dave's helpers (read: family) left for the night - it was just me and him. In the 6+ years I have known him, I can honestly say that I have NEVER had a heart to heart with him like we did Saturday night. I was there until 3am. I probably could have talked all night with him. Oh wait, I did. It's strange, but he and I are very similar. I know a lot more about him now then I did before. And I am thankful.

Sunday was a lazy day due to the lack of sleep from said night. That and stupid cat again with his hungry meow...which on this night was IMPOSSIBLE because I fed him when I got home at 4am. Nice try buster.

Today - my 9 and 1 day off....I work 9 out of 10 days and get 1 day off. A godsend...for real. Grocery shopping consumed the morning then it was back to Aliquippa for some more helping.

Back in time for dinner and the pre-requiste shower. Now it's time to get Kam into bed and I am about to call it a day.

Sunday, March 2, 2008


Can't Buy Me Love...Damn I love me some nerdy Patrick Dempsey.